2 wrongs don’t make a right, but do make for a good VF cover shoot
I wrote this yesterday but didn’t post it cause i wanted a little time to think it over and make sure I wasn’t just running my mouth off.
After long consideration it seemed clear to me that A) I am totally running my mouth off, and B) that’s never really stopped me before so who gives…
But still this disclaimer is in place and for a couple reasons…. New details have (slightly) changed, cause I’m still a little nervous about talking out of my ass.
whateves here’s whats left…
2 wrongs officially don’t make a right.
Unless you’ve been living in a vacuum or like
an actual interesting country where there’s actual interesting news, you’ve no
doubt been informed that Britney Spears has filed for divorce (2 years and 1
month after her first real official marriage.) You may have also heard that the
Democratic Party in the U.S. has taken back a majority position in the House of
Representatives (first time in 12 years) and is on the brink of doing the same
in the senate (we’ll know more later in the day.) Today We know that they in fact have. Here in Toronto we’re coming
up on municipal election and it looks as though the incumbent candidate David
Miller is going to take it (which is sort of the lesser of evils scenario…
although I don’t have any huge issues with Miller, it seems as though his first
turn as Mayor has been only O.K. and not Great.) Oh and Sadamm’s getting hanged.
Whateves. Point is there’s all sorts of shit going down, some big
changes, some sure bets and some I had only hoped in my wildest dreams (the
latter referring to crazy Evangelical leader and former president of the
National Association of Evangelicals, which among other things has some serious
lobbying power, Ted Haggard admitting to be a meth using pole smoker… despite
his condemnation of pole and it’s smokage…)
So what do all of these things have in common…
and in which way do they all refer to my Wyclef Jean inspired title? Being a
creep begets creepyness, you don’t need to add to the vicious cycle by creeping
it out further.
In the last couple of months we’ve been reading
and hearing about all sorts of republican scandals, mostly of the gay sex
variety. And like, we could watch an inside edition special on all of those
stories, or have mud slinging contests where all the candidates take their turn
chastising their opponents based of these ‘shortcomings’ if you will. But aside from some witty jokes on late night T.V. (if indeed you were lucky
enough to catch the witty ones, which were few and far between) shouldn’t the
shame and embarrassment of being revealed as a double standard hypocrite fear
panderer be enough of a punishment without the accusatory ‘paid for by’
adverts?
Don’t we have more to gain, culturally, by
taking the high road when these kinds of situations arise?
As for the Britney Spears K Fed thing, I recall
making a posting not so long ago that drew parallels between Bobby and Whitney
and Brit and Kev. I expressed a reluctant sympathy for Spears who was clearly
not dealing well with the life she’s inadvertently built for herself. In the
case of Whitney, I feel the severity of her meteoric fall from grace is
enough
to warrant both sympathy and support. In addition, I think Huston’s public role
in her divorce from husband of 14 years was for the most part pretty quiet,
Whit opting to make her first public appearance about a week after the initial
reports were made, and her focusing primarily on herself, her rehabilitation,
her immanent comeback.
As for Spears, her making a ‘new body new
haircut’ cameo on Letterman the same day that she signed the paper to dissolve
her marriage, and turning up all over New York in those Tities McPhee outfits,
not to mention telling reporters she’s doing just fine and feeling great,
strikes me as a little cold and heartless, especially when you take the
following 2 things into consideration: 1. Her filling of the divorce papers on
the 6th of November is not mistake… The FederSpears Pre-nup
indicated that K fed is to receive $30,000.00 a month for the duration of half
of the period (in years) that they were wed. They were Wed October the 6th
2004 (there is a 30 day give or take clause so her filling within 2 years 1
month means one less year of alimony for her to doll out.) And while many may
ask why the fuck should Spears have to pay K Fed in the first place I would
contend that spare the attention he paid to other ladies and his man posse, he
gave her exactly what she wanted for a long time, can you imagine living with
Britney and her inane rambling and temper tantrums, not to mention the “air
quotes” for 2 plus years??? Trust me 30 grand a month for a year would seem
like that much of a payoff, cause remember in addition to the aforementioned
personality traits Ms. Spears possesses, she was preggers for like half of their
marriage, a.k.a fat, ugly, cheeto breath, grumpy demanding and fat, O.K. so
short changing him when she’s worth approx $65 mil seems a bit stingy if you
ask me, he also gave her the two babies she wanted so badly (but I think he got
some kind of if I give her a baby clause in the 
pre-need
2. She told him in a text message on his
blackberry WHILE he was being interviewed for MuchMusic, an interview I saw
part of where he was gushing about his love for his family. While on air he
received a Text that seemed to upset him, he walked of stage for like half hour
and came back visibly shaken… What kind of cold-hearted Brad Pitt bitch would
do that? ‘Hey Kev, good luck in Canada! P.S. it’s over, I filed D-Vorce papers
2day. TTYL Brit’
We all though he wasn’t good enough for her, but even if he was
sleeping with all of her best friends and her mom and sister, texting him in
another country instead of a phone call, girl that’s just low. Some things
shouldn’t be said in e-mails, sometimes when you have a really harsh thing to
say to somebody, you need to actually say it. And like not be a vindictive
coward. Cause it’s not gonna help you sleep any better when you have to answer
to yourself about willfully hurting someone you used to love. Not to mention,
if you want to keep public sympathy on your side and seem like the victim of a
bad husband, you have to handle yourself, pardon me if I say, but it’s “not so
innocent” to be out-creeping the creepshow.
After today’s reports… I have to retract all of that, cause apparently
they both knew this was coming and they have not been talking for like 2 weeks.
However I have this to add: A) Britney is
giving away the rights (like giving as in free of charge) to publish photos of
her new baby to circumvent Kev’s making any bread off of them.
B) given B’s ‘tell all’ nature, and the fact that she’s got something
good to tell now, I foresee a Vanity Fair Cover (à la JanAn- Nicole Kidman,
post break up gore fest) she’ll be naked in the pics, with sheets draped over
her implants and her naked babies rolling around near her like a wannabe
Angelina MILF
Here I’d like to note, that while we now have more details Re: K Fed’s trying to squeeze mo money out of the D-vorce settlement and that sounds kind of creepy and lame but truth be told, I Think Spenderline does deserve more that $250,000.00 paid out over a year for being married to Britney. He’s more than a laughing stock, he’s like the global village idiot. whateves.. this is what i had to say yesterday…
I do hope Britney gets back on her feet for
real, and starts to wise up regarding her life and career moves, but I can’t
help but feel sympathy for Federline who’s already considered the worlds
biggest loser, for all that he’s lost and I’m not talking about his custom made
motorcycle (cause there was a clause in the pre-nup where gifts exceeding
$10,000.00 in value are returned to the giver.) K Fed for all of his
disgustingness did truly seem to love his family sort of sometimes. He’s losing
more than the gravy train; he’s losing the only person who had any faith in him
as a rapper, as a father, and as a husband… That’s a lot to be without.
Regarding Haggard, calamity Jane Pitfield, and
all of the disgraced senators and congressmen, I feel like you guys can deal
your own punishments without anybody needing to twist the knife.
Mr. Haggard in particular cause he’s been so
adamant and preachy in the past about the ‘dark evils’ of homosexuality. At
first I found myself saying ‘I hope he can never get laid again cause no self
respecting gay is willing to put up with his shit,’ but then I rethought it and
I decided I’d rather that when he’s done struggling to live a life that’s not
him, he accepts who he is and what he wants (cock.) And that all of those
churchy people who are praying for his soul, see his inability to ‘cure’ his
pole worship as a sign from God, that God loves fags and those who take it in
the pooper have a special place in heaven.
