The BGA

I’ve
been trying to casually glance around for another job, trying to move closer to
my chosen field, a field of dreams if you will, for the last little while. And
every chance I get I’m just going for it. I’m gonna be 25 soon and unless I do
some clever planning I’m gonna turn 30 and feel like a lost lamb. So When I saw
a posting on Craigslist yesterday, for
a casting for a reality T.V show I figured, what do I have to loose, this could
be a good pay cheque, and you know lead to something like: a $50,000.00 contract with Ford Models, a year
long contract with Cover Girl and a spread in Elle Girl, shot by world renown
photographer Giles Bensiomone…

I
sent in my info a jpeg and a link to my friendster. Then last night I got home
around 8:00pm and I have a message on my answering machine: “Hello Alexandre,
my name is Megan and I’m calling from trisomething entertainment regarding a
casting for MuchMusic, We’re wondering if you could come in today for a casting
around 6:30” Evidently I couldn’t cause it was like quarter past eight, so I
called back and was like sorry just got in call me back and maybe we can set
something up.

I
then proceed to call up everyone I could think of and be like:

“OMG, I’m totally
going to be on a reality show, I wonder if I’ll be the bitchy one, or the one
who tells it like it is in the video confessional booth… Do you think it’s like
a competition reality show where people get voted off one week at a time like
survivor? Do you think I’ll have to move out of my apartment and live in a loft
with a bunch of teenagers? What if I have to go before my man comes home and
then we’re separated even longer he’ll be so let down. But OMG couldn’t you see
me winning? Do you think Scoop magazine would take pictures of me doing the
groceries???”

Then
this morning I heard back from Megan… that fucking bitch.

I’m
a reality show no go.
I missed the casting and the casting missed me. But…. As it turns out it is
one of those one episode numbers. Like ‘My Room is a Mess Help Find a
Solution’ kind of shows, and I want money but I don’t need to expose
myself to the whole country for anything less that one entire seasons worth of
weekly hour long segments of reality. So much for my dream of landing on the
pages of the Scoop. And it’s back to the grindstone as the say for I have lots
to do in order to move on up.

If
you wanna help me up, don’t be shy.  And
if you’re a hater, just ask Nelly Furtado what she thinks of me now.

XOXO
BGA,

Happy Pride Homos!

Whoever can find and deliver me to
Nelly Furtado’s friendster page, will be my number one Friendster.
Just to be clear, I’m not a crazed stalker fan, au contraire i believe that little Miss Furtado has been peepin my stees and tryin to rip em off every chance she gets. First there was that song Maneater, a fun catchy number, whose beat is eerily reminiscent of the one Kate and I made for Cccreature. Then came this trash:  see photo at left.
I’m sure you all remember my own very similar picture… especially cause it’s right there in the corner of your computer screen, right beside my name!!!
She’s on friendster creeping around like a lark, and steeling my goods.  So I have one message for you NellStar! Copyage is indeed the highest form of flattery, but writing someone a heads up note, or a thank you for your great ideas and grace, i’m gonna copy them in Strut is customary and plain old polite. ya’ know?
Whateves bitch, I got a Promiscuous remix in the works that’s gonna knock your shit out of the water, and you’ll be wishing you would’a handled this a little better.

I’ll come back for more later I swear, but right now, if you like to read and have 10 mminutes to spare check this article out.

This just in:
If you’re a gay: you know all those times when you tell some straight person that such and such celebrity or mutual friend is quite obviously, to your eyes, a gay, and they’re all, "you think everyone is gay" (and you have to hold back from shouting, "that’s cause everyone (at least everyone worth talking about) is gay!"
If you’re a straight:  You know all those times a gay tells you that you’re favourite action hero or spinster aunt is gay and you’re like "uh! You think everyone is gay"

Well we’ll just call this one point for the "everyone is gay" contingent, and the rest of you can be all apologies.
Notice, if you will, the hand on semi-erect penis, of becks little "teammate" in the third photo.  if you still doubt, just think about this, does it make sense that someone as hot as Becks would be in love with Posh Spice???
he’s GAY GAY GAY.
BGA

After pulling a full on Cindy Adams yesterday I
was gonna give the gossip a rest for the next few days at least and try, if at
all possible to ponder something maybe more interesting for this blog like
sustainability or privatization but then Anna Nicole Smith went and got
her drunken trimspa ass pregnant and I knew that my critical faculties had
bigger work to do.

So Anna Nicole smith is alleged to be carrying
(for five months now) the child of this man

If you are even vaguely familiar with Ms.
Smith, possibly the only person in Hollywood whose on more drugs that Paula
Abdul, than you are as concerned as I am about this situation. Lets just put it
this way; Anna Nicole Smith is going to make Britney Spears look like the
fucking mother of the year.

On to
the next

I’d been reading Gawker Stalker sightings of
Anderson Cooper and his younger Latino lover up on the scene in NYC & on
romantic getaways in Mexico. And considering my longstanding affinity for those
piercing blue eyes and lovely jaw line I had just assumed Coop was a big ol’
pole smoking fagolla. Well this image, complete with tell tale “in love” body
language is the closest thing to proof we’ve got that the remaining son of
Gloria Van derBuilt, and top rated silver fox of CNN is a butt pirate. This guy
has been identified as Julio Cesar someone or other, and it has also been
pointed out that Coop thanks a certain Julio in his new book (p.212) “without
whose support I could never have blah blah blah…” The more cynical blabber
mouths have insinuated that given the age difference between these two lads,
Julio is a little older than I, and coop is 40 or some shit, that this is one
of those “Daddy I love you, you put your hand up my nighty”*

Jessica Simpson is still a total loser. Which
I’m sure is no shock. So you remember those lame shirts that L.A. losers, like
Paris Hilton , Eva Langoria and Toni Braxton bought when JenAn and Brad broke
up, the ones that said “Team Aniston”, “Team Jollie” well apparently, despite
their lack or relevance to our full and exciting lives t-shirt have been made,
by the same losers who made the last ones, that say “Team Simpson”, and “Team
Lachey.” Guess who’s are outselling
who’s 40:1, I’ll give you a hint, he has boobs, but he doesn’t have lip
injections. Yep Nicks, and so how has Jess responded, by crying in the store,
and trying to buy up as many “Team Simpson” shirts as she can. It’s o.k. Jess those shirts will come in
handy when your creepolla father runs for office.

And lastly my favourites: Madonna is Greedy and
Angelina is generous

Ange gives poor Africans money and shit.
Madonna charges 15 Mil for the rights to show her concert on T.V., exploits
people dying of AIDS in Africa, to drum up hype for said concert and insults Christian. Just to be clear Madge is a Jew now right? Kaballah?? So let run
through that one more time, Madonna, Greedy, exploits people living with and dying
of AIDS in impoverished parts of the world, exploits religious iconography that
is from a religion other than her own (she sings live to tell hanging
off a disco crucifix, while images of poor people with AIDS are projected on
and around her)  and lets not forget she’s charging way more than any reasonable
person can afford to get into her concert. Yay Madge.
When will Lola’s day
finally arrive?

The better more exciting part of the news
focuses on what Madge and Jollie have in common, a different kind of
generosity. Ange gave Brad a present he couldn’t return during the filming of
Mr. Ms. Smith, in fact it was this gift that tipped JenAn off about the
infidelity in the first place. Madonna also has this gift, and I wouldn’t be
surprised if she had given it to Guy Ritchie. The gift in question is not a
lifetime membership to some exclusive posh country club, not at all, it’s a lot
more pedestrian than you’d picture, in fact as far as rumor has, Paris Hilton has
been giving this same gift out all over Hollywood. This gift is the alleged
reason both Ms. Jollie and Mrs. Ritchie gave birth with C-sections.  I don’t
want to ruin the surprise so just go here to get your gift.

More confirmations that Natalie p and Jake G
are doing the wild thing.
AND Mischa Barton is  in T dot filming Closing the Ring, so stalk like the wind.

BGA xo

* “Daddy I love you” was originally sung
by Kate Greenslade as a satire of Beyonce’s over the top profession of
love for her father Mathew Knowles.