Halfway to nowhere
So Six
Girls have been kicked off of ANTM so far, and excluding last weeks surprise
decision to send
Molly Sue (one of my picks for final 3) packing, I have had
absolutely no objections about who has gone home. In fact the only surprise to me was that Gina, the muttering weak willed
simpleton lasted as long as she did. It’s sad that her spirit was so violently
crushed, but to be frank if I was kept in close proximity to that ignorant
excuse for an adult I probably would have gone Jade on her ass as well.
But really
there’s no point in dwelling on the past, right? My real favorites are still in
running and excluding any crazy plot twists or reconciliation’s with possessive
boyfriends (Nnenna, I’m looking in your direction) they should be around for a
while still. 
My three faves are Furonda, Nnenna and
Danielle. This year the judges have gone
with the unconventional variety of
beauty. I guess it makes sense the models who are having first name basis
careers right now are really the weirdoes right? Gemma Ward has that big gap
between her huge porcelain
doll looking eyes (she’s the best young model hands
down, girl can pose), Daria looks a bit like a horse (she’s real pretty in real
life, she’s got this monochrome hair eyes skin thing going), Jessica Stam has
wolf eyes, beautiful wolf eyes. Natalia looks like an alien (or a kiddy porn
star), and Karolina Kurkova looks like a bitch… I guess that’s not that
strange, but her big bumpy nose is. The other popular look, the one Kurkova
fits easily into is “Russian Mail Order Bride”, you have your Hanna Suckapova
(Soukupova,) Sasha Pivovarova, Marija Vujovic…
The girls
on ANTM, may not all have some freak feature, but the ways in which they are
pretty is fo-show, not what you was expecting. At first I was apprehensive, I
wondered whether it would be like a return to the first season, when the only
hands down pretty enough to be a model girl was Elyse. But sure enough there is
a method to hunger induced bitchiness, these weird looking girls for the most
part photograph well. The only problem is the same problem that’s existed since
day one: stupid girls make bad models. For this reason Brooke needs to go
home… sooner is better. My guess is that tomorrow will be her last episode.
While we’re on predictions I will cast mine for the final; three right now.
Final three will most likely be Nnenna (provided she doesn’t quit to return to
her boyf) Sara (I don’t find her look that appealing but she’s done a pretty
good job this far and the judges love them some blond white girls don’t they?)
Last and certainly not least Leslie… I know
she’s a total shot in the dark, but
if you look, objectively at her portfolio she has the most consistently good
photos, she commits each time and sells the scene like it’s nobodies business.
In my dream world Furonda or Danielle would win, especially Furonda, I love,
love, love her!
The
resident bitch who will make it until the final 3 is Jade. She, as in the past,
even has a significant chance of making it to the final 3 (Brie, Keenyah, Eva,
season 2’s bitch got kicked off after Paris, and the fat Christian Robin from
season one was the fourth last to go.) Truth be told as per uje I have a soft
spot for Jade, not because I think she’s misunderstood, I think she brings all
the bad stuff on herself, but because I think she’s terribly insecure and has
opted to validate herself over and over for lack of outside validation. All it
takes to be humbled is for other people to start singing your praises for
you! She’s a cross between Brie and Lisa. And sooner or later someone is
going to start liking her.
Notably
absent from the show this season are two of the staples I’ve come to look
forward to: a fatty who has no chance of making it past the final 6
(OH How I do miss my beloved and very close personal friend TOCARRA!!! See: New
York Minute) and a Lesbo to teach the other girls about the special bond
between a girl and a girl who likes to lick girls…
Sadly dumbo
sweetheart fish-lips Brooke is probably going to be packing up her shit and
waving a
teary goodbye tomorrow night. It’s sad cause she’s sweet she hasn’t
been mean at all or done anything questionable, save for being totally
uncomfortable in front of the camera and being to simple to understand
direction, although nothing could really compare to how stupid Gina was…
AS far as
judging goes, Tyra has turned hawking her brand of everything into a tacky
jewel incrusted art on this show. Every second sentence is about her misguided
sob fest of a talk show and how she did this when she was “just starting” I
swear she’s going to come out with a “become a model in 30 days” manual with
dvd’s à la Randy and Paula’s how to be an American Idol pack. The judges seem
to have been keeping it relatively real this season; Twiggy and Nigel stand out
as the most professional, while I still cringe almost every time Ms. Jay opens
her cruel little mouth, I feel like I’ve said it before, but Ms. Jay is one
ugly lady and as the old saying goes, “you shouldn’t throw stones from a glass
house”
Last week’s
episode with an AIDS P.S.A. performed by none other than Furonda (she looked so
happy when she won the challenge) and Nnenna and the shocking end to Molly Sue’s
ANTM journey will re-air tonight on channel 20 or something for all of you mo-fos
with cable for the rest of us losers, the new episode is tomorrow on city at 8.
P.S. I can’t
believe that America decided to keep Paris and ditched Mandissa, was that a
joke?
Now more than ever I hope Taylor Hicks takes the
whole damn thing and gives Ryan Seacrest a big wet one when he does.
