Whitney Houston 911!
I imagine
some of you may question my sensitivity today, as I have some rather sad “news”
to
report and I bet you a dime to a dollar that by the time I’m done I’ll have
come up with some horrible glib and probably exploitative punchline. Whitney
Houston is a crack head. Most of us knew this; some of you with cable have
already been witness to Whitney’s highs and lows if you know what I mean (I
recall reading something about very detailed accounts of crack induced
explosive diarrhea, televised courtesy Showtime entertainment, they sure do
love bodily fluids over at SHOWTIME!) Whitney has publicly acknowledged her drug use, there was a Diane Sawyer
or Baba Wawa interview that she gave like 4 or 5 years ago to promote her big
comeback, which ended up being neither big nor a comeback. I guess an admitted
substance abusers cause is not helped by a lead single entitled “Why You Lookin
At Me?” the song came off as the paranoid ratings of a sketched out junkie.
Although P Diddy made valiant effort to hit the ground running by using that
KRS One “Da Dana, Da Danena” sample on the record, presumably an attempt
to appeal to the only market left for her, young recreational drug users.
I guess
that it’s really sad (as opposed to rather sad) if you think about it, cause Whitney
was so young when she hit it big with Children Are Our Future and Dance With
Somebody and all that, she was kinda like Britney Spears, who to be quite frank
better watch her mutherfucking step before she falls off the wrong side of the
crack pipe. So for Whitney I’m sure it
was a combination of things, she was all fucked up from being in the spotlight
young and you know manipulated by the record companies, she got a crush on
Bobby Brown, prompting a collective gasp of fear and dismay from all well
wishers, and no sooner could we say “please don’t make a Bodyguard sequel” was
she hitched with a massive chunk of bling on her ring finger (a rock that has
subsequently, like so many others in the Houston Brown household, been smoked.)
Then we stopped hearing from her, gone. A year following her marriage she was
preggers or some shit, she had the baby and went ano big time, or at least
that’s what we thought. You see when one of the biggest stars of the moment
is a sweet wholesome black girl, the niece of Dione Warwick, it’s a lot easier
to believe that she’s pin thin because she starves herself, also it was the
early nineties and getting all huffy at the patriarchy for projecting such
unrealistic and dangerous standards for feminine beauty was very of the moment,
while drug addiction was less of a concern that it was a growing aesthetic
trend (anybody recall heroine chic?)
Anyways
what happened, or at least what I suppose happened, Bobby did it, Bobby got
Whitney all hooked on the junk, and she loved it, she just gobbled it up, she
got rail thin from being a junkie whore and meanwhile Bobby was getting
arrested for being high at Disney World and making matters worse by pissing in
the backseat of a cop car, While his 15 small children and 12 baby mamas looked
on in horrified bewilderment (and what I mean by bewilderment is a drugged up
stupor, even the kids, we all know what Bobby Christina does after school,
check her out on myspace, she like touching.)
The further
Whitney got from the spotlight the more incoherent and drugged up she seemed
every time she returned. In the early 2000’s amidst one of her several failed
comeback attempts she took a spiritual journey with her husband to Israel (I
think it’s the same trip Madge took with Guy Ritchie a while back) she came
back even crazier and now there was all this God talk mixed in with her inane
ramblings and periodical requests for her “peace pipe.” I think she put out two
back to back "Best Of" CD’s a sure fire
sign that A) a record company is trying to finish their contract with you by
exhausting the amount of albums you owe them by rehashing all your old mediocre
work rather than pay for new stuff, or B) that you’ve spent all your money and
you need some cash quick or Raul’s come over and it aint gonna be pretty.
Last year
Bobby and the rest of New Edition got back together so they could do a reunion
tour (correct me if I’m wrong, New Edition re-united in like 1999, they hadn’t
even lost touch, they actually put out an album of new material, which all
sucked, and now they came back together (They’re all drug addicts with bills to
pay) to sing their old tried and true hits So basically a bunch of 40 year old
blow heads are on tour singing songs they popularized in their early teens (and
still rocking the exact same dance steps… that can’t be good for their dignity,
but I guess al the better for their dealers)
Leading up
to this tour, which is currently underway, and on which Bobby has reportedly
been telling ladies in the crowd whom he hopes to get friendly that he and
Whitney are caput, Bobby was offered a T.V. deal as mentioned before and he and
Whitney made it back on the radar, only thins time as the black junkie
equivalent of the Beverly Hillbillies, things have been miserable for Whit ever
since.
And now the
latest; The UK Sun report that Whitney sister in Law is spilling the beans
including these photos, which supposedly offer us a glimpse into Mrs. Houston
Brown’s rags and riches
bathroom. Bitch can’t catch a break or a decent
cleaning lady for that matter. Don’t
get me wrong; I do not have contempt for drug addicts. I respect that addiction
is one of the hardest things a person can overcome and that overcoming a
dependence on controlled substances can be the hardest thing in the world, but
if you’re a big ass star and you are still relatively rich do yourself and
you’re many children a favors, get your ass into rehab and stay there (Whitney
has gone into rehab and left 
without finishing the program like 2 or 3 times in
the last 2 years)
Whitney I
do genuinely feel bad for you and I hope you can get yourself the help you
evidently need. In the meantime this is a warning for Britney Spears, if he
offers you chemical drugs kick him to the curb. If he starts telling people
that the two of you are getting a divorce, leave him, if his album bombs, dump his sorry ass like yesterdays trash, it’s just not worth it, you’ll find some other lamo to
leach off you and pretend he loves you, hopefully one with some actual talent
to back up his ambition (or better still a powerful investor or something)
You can
read about Whitney’s messy bathroom and messier life here: http://www.nationalenquirer.com/celebrity/63569
