Second Helping
A second
helping…
- Jessica Simpson wants to adopt…
really she wants to be Angelina, but that parts already been cast. So
instead she’ll opt to buy an orphanage. Lap dogs are fun, but once you
have three, you can’t really fit anymore on your lap. So Jessica is trying
to turn up the sympathetic “I’m not a mean spirited exploitative bitch
just like my daddy” charm by lobbying for cosmetic
surgery for deformed
kids, and now by buying a couple Mexicans. Plus did she mention she has donated anonymously to orphanages
for years now, she’s asking that gratitude be dolled out for her previous
(anon) donations, and that ion the future all the children refer to her as
their mother superior. - Angelina likes her pussies on
women. She’s tired of Brad Pitt being such a girly wet towel, telling him,
“I liked you better in the beginning before you went all pansy assed and
started asking for a wedding and shit, buck up guy, or pack your
bags.” I knew I liked her for a
reason. So apparently their
Parisian neighbors have been complaining to
the press (who pay better than the cops) about loud fighting matches where
Brad tearfully accuses our dear Angelina of not loving him. Apparently her
response is the same every time; “I told you when we first met that I
never would!” - People are still whining about
the Brokeback Oscar snub. May I just say once and for all, the movie was
good, but it was not that special. It made you cry because you’re easily
tricked. And for the record two macho men who kiss is not really all that
ground breaking (there are loads of macho men kissing on every street
corner of every gay village known in this world… where was the scene when
Jake stops blowing Heath and invites one of the sheep to join in? - Oh and while I’m on the topic
of weird things can I just say Goatees? What the hell are they
all about.
Apparently macho non-challant homo is the new look and this involves
growing a beard. I think beards are o.k but goatees are not, for me they
are the equivalent of over plucked question mark eyebrows… they’re fine on
those girls who dress up to look like a Betty Paige style pin up, but that’s
part of a specific look. The only ‘look’ associated with goatees is gay
porn star doing a military video. - Hulk Hogan’s nobody daughter
hates the Simpson Sisters…. Well, so do I. - Sharon stone is a bit of a
slut, she makes bad choices in movies and utters lines like “Not even
Oedipus saw his mother coming”, but she’s still a nice woman and she has a
good aesthetician, or so says octogenarian gossip reporter Cindy Adams of
Page 6 fame. - Busta Rhymes is a liar and a
thief not to mention a self-hating homo. Over the weekend while in Miami,
the real Gay Mecca, while promoting his latest piece of shit CD on which
he screams, growls and order ‘bitches’ to you know… some lil’ fella tapped
Busta’s shoulder to offer him congratulations on his comeback (the lil’
fella was a 50 footer a.k.a you could tell he was a homo from that
distance… in fact everyone in the place was cause Busta had gone to a gay
popular diner at 4:00am which was reported to have been filled to brim
with gays and trannies) to which the newly coiffed Rhymes responded with a
full on freak out he was all like “ Why are you touching me, do not touch
me” and then he turned to his security guard (no doubt a fudge packer in
his own right) and says “I hate fucking faggots” I hope one of Busta’s, if
not all of his children are gay or trans, not to punish those poor kids who no doubt deserve better (and by better I mean, abetter father). 
Madonna’s at it again. I guess
she hopes we don’t remember Vogue… and Paris is Burning, and
I guess she’s hoping we didn’t read Bell Hooks in college, cause she’s all
over Crumping. I, personally would like to hear Caramel or Carlton Wilborn
weight in on the matter.- Katie Holmes loves her life,
she is deliriously happy, she loves Tom Cruise and she can’t say a damn
thing about it… and in case she forgets in march the scientology crew with
6 foot long signs telling her to keep it quite while that freak baby of
hers claws it’s way out of her uterus. “No sudden movements Holmes or
we’re gonna have to get the restraints” - Despite being fat Kelly Osborne
is going to return to prime time, this time she’s back to the formula that
got her rich the first time she’ll whine endlessly and mope around in a
sweat suit. - Wilmer Valderama is a bit of a
creep. - Scarlett ‘bloody cunt’
Johansson’s fagolla brother is trying to pick guys up by saying: “Hi, I’m
Scarlett Johansson’s brother”… does that even work? - Brigitte Bardot and Pam
Anderson Like to waste their time… and yours. - Sinead O’Connor is so done with
being a Lesbian, now she’s a homophobe Rasta with a geriatric boyf - Paris and Nikki Hilton have two
younger brothers, take it from me, they’re gross. - Apparently the execs at
American Idol crack down on Paula Abdul’s substance problem, for the first
time since the show started she seemed coherent, better still she used
complicated words in the correct context, Go P! - Nathalie ‘pygmy’ Portman hates Hollywood actresses and
hookers. She does like attention, herself and money however.
o.k that’s all I got for now, ttyl. BGA, xo
