his ideas look emaciated
There
are loads of important news stories going on right now, like how those hostages
were released in Afghanistan, or how the third year anniversary of the
U.S. war against Iraq has passed and still no sign of them backing out. A
teenager in Scarborough is beaten within inches of his life by a gang of his high
school classmates, allegedly for wearing blood colours in a cryps high school. Meanwhile
i totes thought that the bloods & cryps war was like in L.A in like the
80’s. 16 Torontonians have died in driving accidents since January the
1st (that’s 1 every 5 days) and loads more from like murder. Problems with
drinking water on the reserves and more lip service govt promises. Jennifer
Aniston is leaving L.A. to move to Chicago with Vince Vaungh, Avril Lavign is
pushing her wedding to slum 41’s Derek Webley up to next week cause she’s had
it up to here with being a virgin till marriage. Kate Moss is alleged to be
dating Colin Farell, Paula Abdul is crazy for coco puffs, and goof balls and
perkacette and louds and red wine for good measure. Ryan Seacrest is Gay Gay
Gay, and James Frey maybe planning to kill himself in Hawaii.
But Still the only stories i really care about are:
Stephen Harper and "the problem of his adult life"… that he’s a
lard ass
Andre Talle Leon, My life on a diet… I was a whale now I’m a walrus
Britney spears: "I’m not pregnant"… I’m just fat
do we see a common thread here, I sure do, although my vision is slightly
obscured by the third slice of pizza I’m shoving into my mouth as i write.
I feel fat, Last week I felt so good, looking like a UNICEF ad, gaunt face,
ribs protruding, hip bones sticking out like elbows, but this week even
drinking a glass of water makes me balloon. And all I can think of is Rose,
usually she makes me feel better cause when I’m feeling rotund she can always
out fat me with her shopping lists of foods eaten since dawn, and her explicit
descriptions of the state, shape and consistency of her fat, However Rose is
currently of no use to me, as she has retreated into the woods on yet another
summer reforestation escapade, where no doubt she’s burning more calories a
minute than she could consume in a day, having sex every second that she’s not
putting a tree into soil and quite possibly falling in love. Meanwhile I’m fat,
my rooms a mess and well you get the picture.
Last weeks gorgeous emaciation was aided in no small part to extreme levels of
stress, and no time to eat/too lazy syndrome, by the time I got to Montreal for
the weekend I had gotten rid of that pesky hunger feeling, which suited my,
shall we say, humble bank account balance just fine. But leave it to me, upon
my return I decided to try and eat 3 times a day, 7 days a week and even you
know thinking about nutrition when I cook, and still I’m a total heifer. Andre
Talle Leon is on a 1300 calories a day diet, he’s like 7 feet tall and weighs
almost 300lbs. I’m 6"4 and 173lbs, 23 lbs over my goal weight of 150lbs so
I think maybe if I stay on a 400 calories a day diet i could shake that shit in
like 2 weeks, maybe 3 right? I’m just worried that doing it so quickly could
create lines on my face.
I know what you’re thinking, 150 is still pretty fat, I know, but it’s really
just a starting point. I also can hear some of you rustling on about "why
don’t you work out" to which I reply "fuck you" I hate working
out and besides it never works people always just get bigger, and sure they say
it’s muscle, but what happens to that "muscle" when you don’t go
to the gym… mmm hmmm it turns into lard!
I got into trouble once in Montreal for revealing to a friend of mine that I
felt like a blimp at some party one time, and apparently a fat girl got real
mad that I would say that and after I left she went on a tirade of how
offensive and insensitive it was of me to feel fat, this on the same night that
some trans man (asshole is more like it) got all up in my shit and
accused me of using the wrong gender preposition, when I totally made a mental
note upon entering the party to not use gendered prepositions in the first
place to avoid insult. He had the nerve to call me out in front of everyone,
but I was like "bitch ass I aint even ever talked to you all night so I
don’t no where your scrawny ass gets off telling me what I did and did not
say" but he tried to anyways, and because I said I felt fat and I was
wearing a nice outfit every one chose to believe him.
Buy I’m not a victim today, no martyrs pose from me, just a lot of water
weight, and maybe some sodium weight, and probably some lipid weight, yeah lots
of that… the bones take their toll as well but I think I can overcome. Just
as long as I can suppress the urge to put things in my mouth I can get back in
shape.
bga.
