The BGA

I am just
leaving work so I’m gonna make this brief.

1.Gwyneth
has a Guinness, people are heard gasping and as per uje she doesn’t give a
shit.

In NYC at a
fancy eatery with her chia-pet of a husband Chris someoneorother… A very
Preggers Gynks had a beer, allegedly on her doctors recommendation cause
Guinness has loads of iron… doesn’t spunk have loads of iron? I guess Spunk isn’t macrobiotic.

2. Naomi
Campbell strikes again. This time she’s thrown something at one of her
neighbors (some 41 year old broad) head, a hospital visit and stitches were
involved. Cops were called and Campbell was hauled off.

3. Justin
Thinks K-Fed is gross. So do I.

4. Ryan
Seacrest is still very gay despite his best efforts to convice the world that
he was kissing Teri Hatcher in earnest on the beach. Nice try Cocksucker, we
all know Terri Hatcher has a bigger dick than Dennis Rodman.

5. Pete
Doherty is still a mess. They say he’s buying jaguars, then leaving them
unattended, and after they get toed, more he buys.

6. Lindsay
Lohan is not dating Leo DiCaprio despite the fact that their celebrity couple
name would be Di-Lo!

7. Julia
Roberts isn’t such a good actress after all (gasp!) she broke character during
her first stage performance and laughed that horrible guffaw of a laugh of hers
at a stray tomato. And no, not one aimed at her.

8. Clay
Aiken’s CD release has been pushed back while release of his totally not staged
sex tape with four different girls is being pushed forwards.

9. Britney
is being sued by her former body guards for being cheap and OverProtected.

10. K-Fed’s
new album is called Playing With Fire, sounds about right to me.

11. Only 1
more 16 year old left to go on Idol, I hope she fucks up big time next week.

12. Vin
Diesel is a mean gay, all fuck no affection, but tides maybe turning, looks
like he just fucked with the wrong emotionally unbalanced bottom.

13. Usher
and Eva Mendez are trying for their own P.R. relationship

14. Nick
Lachey likes em young blond selfish and dumb, enter Kristen Cavellari of Laguna
beach Fame (I watched it on DVD trust me she’s nasty and stupid)

15. The
Johnson and Johnson Girls know how to make a bitter rivalry great copy. Thank
you Casey.

16. Apparently
Madonna doesn’t do so well here in North America cause we can’t shake the idea
of her talking in that funny accent and being tossed from horses while aiming
her sites at game hens. Pity luv.

17. The
Posh Bekhams have finally made their decision… looks like Katie’s going to have
to go it alone. Posh wears a red stringy bracelets announcing that her phony
devotion is to Madonna.

18. Kirsten
Dunst makes me sick.

If you want
more details about all this go find em your damn self.

A second
helping…

1. Jessica Simpson wants to adopt…
        really she wants to be Angelina, but that parts already been cast. So
        instead she’ll opt to buy an orphanage. Lap dogs are fun, but once you
        have three, you can’t really fit anymore on your lap. So Jessica is trying
        to turn up the sympathetic “I’m not a mean spirited exploitative bitch
        just like my daddy” charm by lobbying for cosmetic surgery for deformed
        kids, and now by buying a couple Mexicans. Plus did she mention she has donated anonymously to orphanages
        for years now, she’s asking that gratitude be dolled out for her previous
        (anon) donations, and that ion the future all the children refer to her as
        their mother superior.
2. Angelina likes her pussies on
        women. She’s tired of Brad Pitt being such a girly wet towel, telling him,
        “I liked you better in the beginning before you went all pansy assed and
        started asking for a wedding and shit, buck up guy, or pack your
        bags.” I knew I liked her for a
        reason. So apparently their Parisian neighbors have been complaining to
        the press (who pay better than the cops) about loud fighting matches where
        Brad tearfully accuses our dear Angelina of not loving him. Apparently her
        response is the same every time; “I told you when we first met that I
        never would!”
3. People are still whining about
        the Brokeback Oscar snub. May I just say once and for all, the movie was
        good, but it was not that special. It made you cry because you’re easily
        tricked. And for the record two macho men who kiss is not really all that
        ground breaking (there are loads of macho men kissing on every street
        corner of every gay village known in this world… where was the scene when
        Jake stops blowing Heath and invites one of the sheep to join in?
4. Oh and while I’m on the topic
        of weird things can I just say Goatees? What the hell are they
   all about.
        Apparently macho non-challant homo is the new look and this involves
        growing a beard. I think beards are o.k but goatees are not, for me theyare the equivalent of over plucked question mark eyebrows… they’re fine on
        those girls who dress up to look like a Betty Paige style pin up, but that’s
        part of a specific look. The only ‘look’ associated with goatees is gay
        porn star doing a military video.
5. Hulk Hogan’s nobody daughter
        hates the Simpson Sisters…. Well, so do I.
6. Sharon stone is a bit of a
        slut, she makes bad choices in movies and utters lines like “Not even
        Oedipus saw his mother coming”, but she’s still a nice woman and she has a
        good aesthetician, or so says octogenarian gossip reporter Cindy Adams of
        Page 6 fame.
7. Busta Rhymes is a liar and a
        thief not to mention a self-hating homo. Over the weekend while in Miami,
        the real Gay Mecca, while promoting his latest piece of shit CD on which
        he screams, growls and order ‘bitches’ to you know… some lil’ fella tapped
        Busta’s shoulder to offer him congratulations on his comeback (the lil’
        fella was a 50 footer a.k.a you could tell he was a homo from that
        distance… in fact everyone in the place was cause Busta had gone to a gay
        popular diner at 4:00am which was reported to have been filled to brim
        with gays and trannies) to which the newly coiffed Rhymes responded with a
        full on freak out he was all like “ Why are you touching me, do not touch
        me” and then he turned to his security guard (no doubt a fudge packer in
        his own right) and says “I hate fucking faggots” I hope one of Busta’s, if
        not all of his children are gay or trans, not to punish those poor kids who no doubt deserve better (and by better I mean, abetter father).
8. Madonna’s at it again. I guess
        she hopes we don’t remember Vogue… and Paris is Burning, and
        I guess she’s hoping we didn’t read Bell Hooks in college, cause she’s all
        over Crumping. I, personally would like to hear Caramel or Carlton Wilborn
        weight in on the matter.
9. Katie Holmes loves her life,
        she is deliriously happy, she loves Tom Cruise and she can’t say a damn
        thing about it… and in case she forgets in march the scientology crew with
        6 foot long signs telling her to keep it quite while that freak baby of
        hers claws it’s way out of her uterus. “No sudden movements Holmes or
        we’re gonna have to get the restraints”
10. Despite being fat Kelly Osborne
         is going to return to prime time, this time she’s back to the formula that
         got her rich the first time she’ll whine endlessly and mope around in a
         sweat suit.
11. Wilmer Valderama is a bit of a
         creep.
12. Scarlett ‘bloody cunt’
         Johansson’s fagolla brother is trying to pick guys up by saying: “Hi, I’m
         Scarlett Johansson’s brother”… does that even work?
13. Brigitte Bardot and Pam
         Anderson Like to waste their time… and yours.
14. Sinead O’Connor is so done with
         being a Lesbian, now she’s a homophobe Rasta with a geriatric boyf
15. Paris and Nikki Hilton have two
         younger brothers, take it from me, they’re gross.
16. Apparently the execs at
         American Idol crack down on Paula Abdul’s substance problem, for the first
         time since the show started she seemed coherent, better still she used
         complicated words in the correct context, Go P!
17. Nathalie ‘pygmy’ Portman hates Hollywood actresses and
         hookers. She does like attention, herself and money however.

o.k that’s all I got for now, ttyl. BGA, xo

I imagine
some of you may question my sensitivity today, as I have some rather sad “news”
to report and I bet you a dime to a dollar that by the time I’m done I’ll have
come up with some horrible glib and probably exploitative punchline. Whitney
Houston is a crack head. Most of us knew this; some of you with cable have
already been witness to Whitney’s highs and lows if you know what I mean (I
recall reading something about very detailed accounts of crack induced
explosive diarrhea, televised courtesy Showtime entertainment, they sure do
love bodily fluids over at SHOWTIME!) Whitney has publicly acknowledged her drug use, there was a Diane Sawyer
or Baba Wawa interview that she gave like 4 or 5 years ago to promote her big
comeback, which ended up being neither big nor a comeback. I guess an admitted
substance abusers cause is not helped by a lead single entitled “Why You Lookin
At Me?” the song came off as the paranoid ratings of a sketched out junkie.
Although P Diddy made valiant effort to hit the ground running by using that
KRS One “Da Dana, Da Danena” sample  on the record, presumably an attempt
to appeal to the only market left for her, young recreational drug users.

I guess
that it’s really sad (as opposed to rather sad) if you think about it, cause Whitney
was so young when she hit it big with Children Are Our Future and Dance With
Somebody and all that, she was kinda like Britney Spears, who to be quite frank
better watch her mutherfucking step before she falls off the wrong side of the
crack pipe. So for Whitney I’m sure it
was a combination of things, she was all fucked up from being in the spotlight
young and you know manipulated by the record companies, she got a crush on
Bobby Brown, prompting a collective gasp of fear and dismay from all well
wishers, and no sooner could we say “please don’t make a Bodyguard sequel” was
she hitched with a massive chunk of bling on her ring finger (a rock that has
subsequently, like so many others in the Houston Brown household, been smoked.)
Then we stopped hearing from her, gone. A year following her marriage she was
preggers or some shit, she had the baby and went ano big time, or at least
that’s what we thought. You see when one of the biggest stars of the moment
is a sweet wholesome black girl, the niece of Dione Warwick, it’s a lot easier
to believe that she’s pin thin because she starves herself, also it was the
early nineties and getting all huffy at the patriarchy for projecting such
unrealistic and dangerous standards for feminine beauty was very of the moment,
while drug addiction was less of a concern that it was a growing aesthetic
trend (anybody recall heroine chic?)

Anyways
what happened, or at least what I suppose happened, Bobby did it, Bobby got
Whitney all hooked on the junk, and she loved it, she just gobbled it up, she
got rail thin from being a junkie whore and meanwhile Bobby was getting
arrested for being high at Disney World and making matters worse by pissing in
the backseat of a cop car, While his 15 small children and 12 baby mamas looked
on in horrified bewilderment (and what I mean by bewilderment is a drugged up
stupor, even the kids, we all know what Bobby Christina does after school,
check her out on myspace, she like touching.)

The further
Whitney got from the spotlight the more incoherent and drugged up she seemed
every time she returned. In the early 2000’s amidst one of her several failed
comeback attempts she took a spiritual journey with her husband to Israel (I
think it’s the same trip Madge took with Guy Ritchie a while back) she came
back even crazier and now there was all this God talk mixed in with her inane
ramblings and periodical requests for her “peace pipe.” I think she put out two
back to back "Best Of" CD’s a sure fire
sign that A) a record company is trying to finish their contract with you by
exhausting the amount of albums you owe them by rehashing all your old mediocre
work rather than pay for new stuff, or B) that you’ve spent all your money and
you need some cash quick or Raul’s come over and it aint gonna be pretty.

Last year
Bobby and the rest of New Edition got back together so they could do a reunion
tour (correct me if I’m wrong, New Edition re-united in like 1999, they hadn’t
even lost touch, they actually put out an album of new material, which all
sucked, and now they came back together (They’re all drug addicts with bills to
pay) to sing their old tried and true hits So basically a bunch of 40 year old
blow heads are on tour singing songs they popularized in their early teens (and
still rocking the exact same dance steps… that can’t be good for their dignity,
but I guess al the better for their dealers)

Leading up
to this tour, which is currently underway, and on which Bobby has reportedly
been telling ladies in the crowd whom he hopes to get friendly that he and
Whitney are caput, Bobby was offered a T.V. deal as mentioned before and he and
Whitney made it back on the radar, only thins time as the black junkie
equivalent of the Beverly Hillbillies, things have been miserable for Whit ever
since.

And now the
latest; The UK Sun report that Whitney sister in Law is spilling the beans
including  these photos, which supposedly offer us a glimpse into Mrs. Houston
Brown’s rags and riches bathroom. Bitch can’t catch a break or a decent
cleaning lady for that matter. Don’t
get me wrong; I do not have contempt for drug addicts. I respect that addiction
is one of the hardest things a person can overcome and that overcoming a
dependence on controlled substances can be the hardest thing in the world, but
if you’re a big ass star and you are still relatively rich do yourself and
you’re many children a favors, get your ass into rehab and stay there (Whitney
has gone into rehab and left without finishing the program like 2 or 3 times in
the last 2 years)

Whitney I
do genuinely feel bad for you and I hope you can get yourself the help you
evidently need. In the meantime this is a warning for Britney Spears, if he
offers you chemical drugs kick him to the curb. If he starts telling people
that the two of you are getting a divorce, leave him, if his album bombs, dump his sorry ass like yesterdays trash, it’s just not worth it, you’ll find some other lamo to
leach off you and pretend he loves you, hopefully one with some actual talent
to back up his ambition (or better still a powerful investor or something)

You can
read about Whitney’s messy bathroom and messier life here: http://www.nationalenquirer.com/celebrity/63569

BGA xo

There
are loads of important news stories going on right now, like how those hostages
were released in Afghanistan, or how the third year anniversary of the
U.S. war against Iraq has passed and still no sign of them backing out. A
teenager in Scarborough is beaten within inches of his life by a gang of his high
school classmates, allegedly for wearing blood colours in a cryps high school. Meanwhile
i totes thought that the bloods & cryps war was like in L.A in like the
80’s.  16 Torontonians have died in driving accidents since January the
1st (that’s 1 every 5 days) and loads more from like murder. Problems with
drinking water on the reserves and more lip service govt promises. Jennifer
Aniston is leaving L.A. to move to Chicago with Vince Vaungh, Avril Lavign is
pushing her wedding to slum 41’s Derek Webley up to next week cause she’s had
it up to here with being a virgin till marriage. Kate Moss is alleged to be
dating Colin Farell, Paula Abdul is crazy for coco puffs, and goof balls and
perkacette and louds and red wine for good measure. Ryan Seacrest is Gay Gay
Gay, and James Frey maybe planning to kill himself in Hawaii.

But Still the only stories i really care about are:
Stephen Harper and "the problem of his adult life"… that he’s a
lard ass
Andre Talle Leon, My life on a diet…  I was a whale now I’m a walrus
Britney spears: "I’m not pregnant"… I’m just fat
do we see a common thread here, I sure do, although my vision is slightly
obscured by the third slice of pizza I’m shoving into my mouth as i write.
I feel fat, Last week I felt so good, looking like a UNICEF ad, gaunt face,
ribs protruding, hip bones sticking out like elbows, but this week even
drinking a glass of water makes me balloon. And all I can think of is Rose,
usually she makes me feel better cause when I’m feeling rotund she can always
out fat me with her shopping lists of foods eaten since dawn, and her explicit
descriptions of the state, shape and consistency of her fat, However Rose is
currently of no use to me, as she has retreated into the woods on yet another
summer reforestation escapade, where no doubt she’s burning more calories a
minute than she could consume in a day, having sex every second that she’s not
putting a tree into soil and quite possibly falling in love. Meanwhile I’m fat,
my rooms a mess and well you get the picture.
Last weeks gorgeous emaciation was aided in no small part to extreme levels of
stress, and no time to eat/too lazy syndrome, by the time I got to Montreal for
the weekend I had gotten rid of that pesky hunger feeling, which suited my,
shall we say, humble bank account balance just fine. But leave it to me, upon
my return I decided to try and eat 3 times a day, 7 days a week and even you
know thinking about nutrition when I cook, and still I’m a total heifer. Andre
Talle Leon is on a 1300 calories a day diet, he’s like 7 feet tall and weighs
almost 300lbs. I’m 6"4 and 173lbs, 23 lbs over my goal weight of 150lbs so
I think maybe if I stay on a 400 calories a day diet i could shake that shit in
like 2 weeks, maybe 3 right? I’m just worried that doing it so quickly could
create lines on my face.
I know what you’re thinking, 150 is still pretty fat, I know, but it’s really
just a starting point. I also can hear some of you rustling on about "why
don’t you work out" to which I reply "fuck you" I hate working
out and besides it never works people always just get bigger, and sure they say
it’s muscle, but what happens to that "muscle" when you don’t go
to the gym… mmm hmmm it turns into lard!

I got into trouble once in Montreal for revealing to a friend of mine that I
felt like a blimp at some party one time, and apparently a fat girl got real
mad that I would say that and after I left she went on a tirade of how
offensive and insensitive it was of me to feel fat, this on the same night that
some trans man (asshole is more like it) got all up in my shit  and
accused me of using the wrong gender preposition, when I totally made a mental
note upon entering the party to not use gendered prepositions in the first
place to avoid insult. He had the nerve to call me out in front of everyone,
but I was like "bitch ass I aint even ever talked to you all night so I
don’t no where your scrawny ass gets off telling me what I did and did not
say" but he tried to anyways, and because I said I felt fat and I was
wearing a nice outfit every one chose to believe him.
Buy I’m not a victim today, no martyrs pose from me, just a lot of water
weight, and maybe some sodium weight, and probably some lipid weight, yeah lots
of that… the bones take their toll as well but I think I can overcome. Just
as long as I can suppress the urge to put things in my mouth I can get back in
shape.
bga.

This article is on the New York Post web site, i found it thanks to the very involved people at Gawker.com i will follow it with some disscussion, but here it is as a first hand source.

BETTER OR VERSE

By DAVID ANDREATTA      Education Reporter

<!–
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//–> Seven-year-old prodigy.
<!–
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Seven-year-old prodigy.’;

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//–> AUTUM ASHANTEMarch 13, 2006 –
YOUNGSTER’S BLACK-POWER POEM RILES SCHOOL
A
7-year-old prodigy unleashed a firestorm when she recited a poem she
wrote comparing Christopher Columbus and Charles Darwin to "pirates"
and "vampires" who robbed blacks of their identities and human rights.

Hundreds of parents of Peekskill middle- and high-school students
received a recorded phone message last week apologizing for little
Autum Ashante’s poem, titled "White Nationalism Put U in Bondage."

"Black lands taken from your hands, by vampires with no remorse," the
aspiring actress and poet wrote. "They took the gold, the wisdom and
all the storytellers. They took the black women, with the black man
weak. Made to watch as they changed the paradigm of our village.

"Yeah white nationalism is what put you in bondage. Pirates and vampires like Columbus, Morgan and Darwin."

Autum was invited to speak at the Westchester schools on Feb. 28 by
Melvin Bolden, a music teacher at the middle school who advises the
high school’s Black Culture Club and is a member of the Peekskill City
Council.

Autum, whose résumé includes several television
appearances and performances at the Apollo Theater and the African
Burial Ground in Manhattan, told The Post that her poem was meant to
instill pride in black students and to encourage them to steer clear of
violence.

"I don’t think there’s anything wrong with my poem.
I was trying to tell them the straight-up truth," Autum said. "I’m
trying to tell them not to fight because they’re killing the brothers
and sisters."

Autum, who is home-schooled in Mount Vernon and
speaks several languages, prefaced her performance at the high school
with a Black Panthers’ pledge asking black youngsters to not harm one
another.

It did not sit well with parents.

In a
telephone interview with The Post, Bolden said Autum has been
"unofficially" banned from performing in a district school again and
that school officials would review transcripts of future speakers.

"It’s unfortunate, because some teachers said they wanted this little
girl to explain the things she said to their students, but some parents
don’t want her on school grounds," Bolden said.

"[The poem] might have been a little too aggressive for what the middle-school kids are ready to handle," Bolden added.

Kimberly Greene, a mother of children in the high school and middle
school, said she was shocked when she got the recorded phone message.

"If there are people who are upset about what she said, the schools
should have talked about and analyzed it rather than send a message to
everyone saying this little girl was offensive," Greene said.

Autum’s father, Batin Ashante, said he can’t believe the fuss over his daughter’s poem.

"She’s a little girl who does poetry about real things. She doesn’t do
poetry about cotton candy," Ashante said. "She’s a serious little
person."
fin

O.K,  So this whole situation is pretty fucked.  The schools reaction was blatantly out of line, completely irrational and fear based, i think the parent who suggests discourse as ooposed to an outright discrediting Autum. What is most shocking is that the whole schoolboard supports this desicion. Peekskill is a hamlet of Westchester…. WTF is going on there?

As far as the 7 year old protegé is concerned, I think that a child this gifted who has been invited to places like "the Apollo Theater and the African
Burial Ground in Manhattan"  should not shock anyone when she chooses to recite work that reflects her personal position on race politics. Sure it’s not what you assume will be the subject matter of choice for a 7 year old, but when her resume clearly says she has given recitals at the African Burial Ground in NYC,  that she’s a home schooled genius and that she speaks 4 languages it’s not coming out of left field.

Obviously what really disturbing to anyone who has done even the least in post colonial theory is that A) this girl is right on the money (not to mention a better poet than many of my peers from the creative writing program in university were … myself included)
B) That a group of Adults in position of full agency over powered a 7 year old and had her censored, not for insighting violence, not for uttering threats or even condemning an entire race. She wasn’t taking anyone down, just calling out "white nationalism" a beast that has damaged  just about everyone including Black, Women and Whites…  It’s scary to think that these parents and school board people think that their doing the right thing by bullying a child. I said it before and i say it again, i blame the whole bush era for this pervasive and self afirming attitude. Bullying is the name of the game and no body makes any appologies for it, although everybody expects one if they feel the least bit slighted.
C)Thats were it ends. Autum has no recourse. She has been shut up, and appologised for, and thats the end of it as far as the students are concerned (although i’m sure the press coverage may change that)

There does seem something dodgy about  her whole M.O. and her father and the home schooling, but even if she is some militant white hater, if her the most accusatory elements of her poem are the ones that have been reprinted, well shit, the censors don’t have a leg to stand on.

please  write your feedback in the comments section. I want to believe that i dont just do this for myself.

While i’m commenting on other people news stories this ones been blowin up th internet for the last couple of days and i want to highlight it only to say George Cloony I’m onto your game. You act so Cavalier and make speeches about hopw getting an oscar means hollywood solved racism, you’re always making smug self agrandising jokes with the press, so sure of your middle aged charm… and now this? how quickly you’ve become a self rightious celebrity. I just ahve one thing to say to you Ploony, you stay away from my Arianna Huffington, the origional beard, She said flat out the whole thing is a result of miscvommunication and your evidently inept publicist, maybe you should take this up with the person who okayed the publication… Arianna did her bit she sent in on down the wire to ask, is this o.k. by you? it’s a bit late now after publication to start attacking her credibility.  I know Arianna is no innocent, but she’s never claimed to be anything but a political instigator so you used to call her your friend, and i bet it made you look pretty smart in certain circles, so you need to grab hold of your hollywood i can control the entire world sense of entitlement. o.k now i feel better… here is the story according to New York Daily News:

Clooney & Huffington’s blog of war

George Clooney is steaming about how Arianna Huffington (above) used his political comments on her blog. She contends it was a misunderstanding. George Clooney is spitting mad at Arianna Huffington - and the blogosphere is wobbling on its axis.   "She said some things that I won’t share, but she did tell me that this could be bad for me - bad for my career. Well, screw you!" the movie star told me yesterday about a conversation he had with the doyenne of Huffingtonpost.com. "I’m not going to be threatened by Arianna Huffington!" Clooney, in his only interview on the subject, took off the gloves in his fight with Huffington over a blog purportedly written by the "Syriana" Oscar-winner and posted on her Web site Monday. "I feel abused," he said. Yesterday, Clooney released an angry statement calling Huffington’s methods "purposefully misleading," and she acknowledged that his so-called blog - slamming Dems who voted for the war in Iraq for fear of being labeled "liberal" - was actually compiled from Clooney’s recent interviews with the UK’s Guardian and CNN’s Larry King. But Huffington insisted (and forwarded me E-mails that seemed to back her up) that she believed she had explicit permission from one of Clooney’s PR reps to publish his disparate quotes as a single piece of writing. "This was a misunderstanding," she told me yesterday, as the disputed blog was removed from her Web site. Clooney told me: "Nobody has ever written an op-ed piece for me. If I say I’ve written something, I’ve written it. When I go to the Oscars, I write everything I say…I stand by what I do, but I’m very cautious not to take giant steps onto soapboxes because I think they’re polarizing." Clooney said that when he demanded a disclaimer from Huffington, she refused. "She told me that it’s a big no-no in the blogosphere, where people are supposed to write their own pieces." Huffington, who’d been haggling with Clooney’s publicist, Stan Rosenfield, over the wording of a disclaimer, told me: "I believe it is time for all of us to move on."

Oh and there’s more… this just in about Jessica simpson.
O.k so long term readers know i don’t really like her. I respect her opinion regarding how being a celebrity makes you privileged and that you have no choice but to behave as a role model, and now i respect her for standing her ground.
Jessica is the spokeswoman for a non-partisan chrity group that raises funds to offer children with severe facial diformity plastic surgery it called the "pretty people ar better foundation" or  Smile of something like that. anyways she’s come under attck for declining to meet Bush et al. At a republican fund raiser. Right she fucking shouldn’t it’s a non partisdan charity, she’s in washington trying to lobby for her charity if Bush or the republicans want her to hussle up funds at their fund raiser they should have tried to book her or offered her cash like anyone else would.
So all these Bushies are saying don’t buy Simpsons album cause she’s anti bush whichy is crazy talk, but oddly funny. Cause it seems to me the only people who buy a jessica simpson albums are the same misguided people who vote bush and listen to self rightious wierdos who tell them to boycott the dixie chicks (where are they now?) so does this mean her recording carreer is over? oh well she can still be a good role model and have some principles.

xo bga

In this day
and age social climbers have the extra incentive to keep close to
well-publicized famous people. If they manage play the game just right, end up
in just enough Li-Lo red carpet pics or have a really rich parent, they themselves
can parlay an exploitive well placed friendship into minor b list status or
even a reality T.V. show. This seems to be the fate for Marc Jacobs alleged
boyfriend, Jason Preston or, as he likes to be called on Friendster: Jason
Preston P! Fierce!!!

I’d seen
him a couple times on MJ’s arm for some reason or another, and then two days
ago a red carpet shot of the two of them started circulating in which our
latest climber Jason has ‘Marc Jacobs’ logo tattooed on his forearm (I hope for
his sake it was henna or something…) it looks worse than Meg White in the new
Marc Jacobs ad campaign.

It struck
me as a rather bold if not over confident thing to do for two reasons, What if
Marc finds a cooler climber than you? Or worse still he gets with some other
gay celeb? And what for Jason P himself? What if you find a better richer more
connected meal ticket? Like say Tom Ford? Or Jake Gyllenhal? now your tainted
goods with your Marky Marc tattoo. Also it must be said that the Snofia Copola
set will only be impressed with your ingénue charm for so long, I suggest you
start getting some kind of aesthetic based esoteric education goin on, cause
knowing Marc and Snoff it’s gonna take more than abs and a willingness to
become a personal billboard for staying power, they like to travel and pretend
they’re well bred sophisticates, I suggest you rent Small Time Crooks: Tracy
Ulman is a perfect example of what you can do to better yourself for your
chosen clique.

And let’s
not forget the most obvious; your boyfriend changes his style like minimum
twice a year and sometimes for two different houses, your man appreciates
change, not to mention an occasional complete revamp/overhaul (see Louis
Vuitton last fall mon ami.)

But I will
say this for him, he has met and been photographed with J Lo, it’s on his
friendster page, & that in itself is the embodiment of one of my highest
pursuits. Jason’s trajectory as sleazy as it seems does give me some hope that
I may well one day become close personal friends with both J Lo and MK Olsen,
or that Kate will actually meet Mark Ruffalo and impress him so much that they
get married and then she’s wearing henna tattoos to his premiers.

Paris is
burning, and not just from the herpes, (for those who don’t know there are
loads of rumors flying around that Paris has herpes and is trying to keep it
under wraps, Chloe Sevigny says that everything you read is true, so odds are
Paris is not doin to well, but we don’t judge people for STI’s, just for
thinking their better than us) her star is fading quick, she’s getting black
listed and people are just fed up and tired with her no talent all buzz
routine. At least Nicole Ritchie has an eating disorder and an abusive
boyfriend Jimmy Choo ad campaign, not to mention that she taught Li-Lo how to
control her gag reflex, she’s good at something, in fact looking at her
skeletal frame one might say she is the best at having bulimia. Do you see
the distinction I’m making? I sure hope that Jason does, climbing is fine,
wanting attention totally understandable, a desire to shmooz the clebes? second
nature in our day. What is important however, what you must have in order to
ensure longevity, is a master plan, a talent or some reason why people want to
see your face, and your face alone, not as the and friend in a Naomi Campbell
pic or some cheddar publicity stunt for your sort of boyfriend.

Jason if
you read this, don’t be hurt, don’t be mad, there’s nothing I can accuse you of
that I am not guilty of myself, except being successful at climbing. Just
remember what the last twenty years and divorce statistics have taught us,
without a legally binding statement of union, or several children to fill you
with guilt, most couples come to an end… you just need to be sure that when
your free ride, I mean relationship comes to an end you will at least be able to
publish a memoir (taking j pegs while you can is a good idea, I also recommend
keeping a journal of all the times you go do lines with Mariah , what kind of
kinko shit Mark likes, a.k.a that Dorothy outfit he designed a couple years ago
and how he makes you be the tin man.) at the very least, or least get the
training you need to tap one of the ladies you’re so fond of posing with, up
for a job as backup dancer.

Good Luck,
BGA

Shit so much for my smug know it all  post i just read this as i was trying to find a picture of Preston with the tattoo which is surely henna considering…
the following excerpt is  from the New york daily news web site….

"Also sparking chatter was designer Marc Jacobs, who arrived with handsome Jason Preston, whom gay Internet enthusiasts recognized from the escort Web site rentboy.com.

Preston, who partied with Jacobs till 3 a.m. at Bungalow 8, tells us
he’s known the fashion star about three months. "He’s one of the most
amazing people I’ve ever met in my entire life," says Preston.

Nevertheless, he insists that there’s nothing romantic between them. He
also says they met at a fashion show, not through rentboy.com. Although
Preston is still listed on the site as "Chris" — along with his cell
phone, intimate personal information and a $225-an-hour price tag — he
says he’s quit the escort business."
Now if this is all true, then all my heart felt appologies to you Jason, evidently you are talented and employed or rather employable… and a job as an escort entitles one to chill with the rich and famous just as much as being a high rolling drug dealer, you do belong.

UPDATE!!!
I double back once again, so the latest: Jason Preston is in fact Jacobs official boyfriend and in this very telling quote from page 6 the dynamic of their relationship is evident: Also there were Marc Jacobs and his boyfriend, Jason Preston. "I don’t normally go out much, but Jason likes to," Jacobs said. "We mostly live in Paris and don’t come to New York often." and all i have to say is i was right the first time… except maybe i didn’t say, i think MJ has a serious ugly complexe which is why he’s so happy to be with a pretty boy who makes no attempt to hide what a climber he is. Marc, you’ re not the best looking guy it’s true, but you’re really talented and hopefully reasonably smart, there are better guys out there for you… or maybe i’m thrice wrong and this Jason character is really a great guy, despite the fact that his friendster profile makes him seem a bit like a self-absorbed dummy.

I also wanted to talk about something else from that same page 6 reportage which was an excerpt from their coverage of the V is for Vendetta premier, which I totes wanna see. So apparently one of the siblings behind the writing and direction of V and the Matrix has been undergoing hormone therapy and gender reasignment proceedures since they were working on the matrix. Why? you aks yourself am I writing about this, I guess cause i didn’t know and because broke back was allegedly a breakthrough, and i wanna know who other than the actors who played gay experienced a breakthrough? it certainly wasn’t the transgendered comunity i’m just going to include the editorial and let the readers draw their own conclusions… "V for Vendetta" writer and producer, the former man known as Larry Wachowski,
may be press-shy - but (s)he is definitely not shy of public displays
of affection. The transgender writer/producer/director started the
process of becoming a woman several years ago when he and his more
normal brother, Andy, were making the "Matrix" movies. They’re
now credited simply as "The Wachowskis," to avoid gender confusion.
Larry wore a woman’s pantsuit and makeup - his eyebrows plucked, hair
in a blond blob - to the "V" premiere at the Rose Theater at Time
Warner Center Monday night. On his arm was the woman for whom he left
his wife, dominatrix Karin Winslow. Larry forbid photo or
interviews, but he kissed and cuddled his date. After a visit to the
ladies’ room, Winslow announced to Wachowski, "I’m back, Sweetie!" the no photos thing is odd to me. Oh and for those of you to whom page 6 is new, richard johnson (the contributor responsible for this entry)  is an asshole mysogenist, and he’s ugly.

On the train ride home from a weekend spent in Montreal, I
ran into Liane Balaban (of New Waterford Girl fame) who was coming home for the
week to visit her family and check out the Genies. She was charming as always,
and looking splendid if I may say so. Anyways She rides the train, right? And
she’s on her way to the Genies… I am glad and sad about this.  Glad for
Liane who is a good ol neighbourhood girl and hasn’t a spec of superiority complex, and sad that in a year where
Canadian filmmakers have produced some of the most superb movies of this decade, CBC
has had to opt to  cover only 1 hour of the after party for it’s telecast.
This is to say, Canadians who, gladly sat through what seemed to me like 6 of
the most boring hours on television to see if a bunch of kissing cowboys would have
a golden toy to add to the collection, probably couldn’t surmise the most basic
plot-lines from any given 2 of Genies nominated films and are keeping Liane crammed into the ailes seat on an econoimy fare train.  I also was shocked that neither Water nor
C.R.A.Z.Y. was reppin for the true north at the OSCARS. 

O.k. so really I
probably would have preferred that the Oscars had been trimmed down to a 1 hour
show with highlights from the red carpet and maybe some of the interesting
speeches (although I don’t remember anything interesting this year, barring
Resse busting a "I’m a real woman goddamnit!" and George Clooney
busting a "I’d like to thank the academy for single handily resolving the
civil rights movement", thank god blacks can sit in a movie theatre and
pay to watch period pieces about a time when they couldn’t.) I guess what’s got me
irked is that without a proper (and by proper I just mean well oiled machine)
celebrity system, where even Liane would be flown around first class and have a
lap dog, it’s really hard to generate sufficient interest in Canadian films to
convince the majority of Canadians not to watch C.S.I. New Jersey or whatever
crime show starts at 9:00pm.

C.R.A.Z.Y. is an
acronym for the names of the five boys (Christian, Raymond, Antoine, Zachary,
and Yves) born to a Quebequois couple during the 60’s. Jean Marc Valee’s
film is rad, and despite its feel good moments, it’s loaded with self-reflection
and dark humour. It’s set up like many Quebequois films as an allegory between
Quebecs adolescence and identity formation, and the struggles of a sensitive
brother with special powers who doesn’t quite fit in perfectly with his family.
As a rule I’m never too thrilled when homosexuality stands in as a metaphor for
cultural difference however in this film the metaphor seems to play second
fiddle to the actual narrative and I was amused. And as is true of Mehta’s
Water, the high gloss production value of the film makes an already good story
amazing.
Water, Deepa Mehta’s final film in the
trilogy that began with Fire and Earth (both of which generally screen a couple
times a year as CBC’s late night movie) is a beautifully shot melodrama set
against a 1930’s India in flux. Ghandi is oft quoted by the films supporting
cast for whom his radical ideas are no less than an incitement into existential
crises. The film offers different perspectives of what living means for those
who are born into privilege, those who loose all they have had, those who had
nothing to begin with, For women, for men, for those who are neither. It has
some ‘did we need to go there?’ moments but overall I didn’t feel taken advantage
of as I sometimes do after sad movies. What’s more, the lead actor is so hot I
could watch him read a grocery list for days on end.
Vanessa and I watched Water this weekend after seeing Brokeback Mountain.
Brokeback was sweet and there were like 2 or 3 scenes I really liked (asleep
standing up, how cute… and every scene with Ms. Anne Princess Diaries
Hathaway, who in my opinion blew Michelle Duckface (over-actor) Williams
out of the water in terms of both performance and tity show) but I didn’t think
it was better than Crash and I certainly didn’t think Crash was better than
either Water or C.R.A.Z.Y. So my point is; Munich had better be a good movie,
or it’s officially time for the world to loose all respect with Oscars. And I
know I’m totally preaching to choir as anyone who reads this blog probably
already saw both Water and C.R.A.Z.Y. and many other wonderful Canadian
productions like the loophole overlooked History Of Violence, but can we
spread the word and do our best to make people like Liane bona fide first Class
flying celebrity, so I can start dropping her name and talking shit about her
when she’s not around!
BGA, loves telefilm Canada

Corrections,
I watched the genies last night, On City TV and not CBC as I had erroneously mentioned yesterday.
There are Canadian celebrities, they’re francophones from Quebec and they travel by plane… but still in economy and on frequent flyer miles.
C.R.A.Z.Y took em all, it won everything  best actor supporting actress, director, origional screenplay and best picture, not to mention it made more than 6.2 million dollars at the domestic box office, the highest grossing Canadian film in 2005.
Water won fewer awards, but is still a wicked film. If you haven’t seen C.R.A.Z.Y. or Water do yourself a favour and rent em.

One thing Chloe Sevigny and I share, aside from
a willingness to suck Vincent Gallo’s cock for the cameras, is an affinity for
gossip, and like everything else in our remarkably similar lives, our
preference is for upper crust snobby gossip. We also have shitty taste in men often opting for guys who are way
beneath us, well that’s true for me, I don’t know if I can say the same for
her…

Which brings me to my next point of the day. Mariah
Carey is cute. I know what you’re thinking: “barf. She is so not cute,” and I
agree she’s not. But she’s so cute. It’s like Lilo, their from New Jersey or
Long Island or something like that so to begin with we have expect certain
kinds of behavior that may seem gauche to people who grew up (middle class) in
the city. Anyways she’s cute because she’s ‘not fat not so thin’ and she’s
found a way to deal, now if only her stylist would accept what she seems to
have… here’s the quote right off page 6, preciouso:

"Everyone said
I was fat, so I did something about it," slaphappy songbird Mariah
Carey blurted to Page Six, seemingly out of nowhere. "Here! Feel my
thighs! Feel my butt!" After several requests, Page Six agreed to fondle
her newly firmed physique, and can confirm the absence of unsightly
"jelly." "See?" Carey said, proudly. "I’ll never be a
stick woman, but now I’m fierce!"

She wont ever be a stick woman  but she can be fierce, oh Mimi! Lucky for me I’ll never know you’re pain me and lindsay have a contigency plan, It’s a get fat suicide pact, but if  excersice works for you?

Next on the agenda, I want to annoint Will Smith and Jada Pinkett as the Next Bobby and Whitney. On the Oscar pre-show red carpet it was all these crackheads could do to keep from pulling their pipe out right on the red carpet. And then jada was all like: "Where is that Paula Abdul, she’s got something I need" and she wasn’t talking about to a career.

Also Jake Gyllenhal and Kiera Nightly were bumping uglies. It wont last Kiera is too much of a STAR!, and Jake’s too homo/low key, he needs more of a Parker Posey kinda girl or maybe he should give pigme portman a shot? He strikes me as not that tall. Wait, Iknow he should be with KIA.

and quick notes before i go: Uma Thurmon is single again, she dropped the hotel guy.
Vera Wang things that Celebrity cutlure eill take over the world and there will be no room for fashion designers… she’s scared.
see ya. bga

so last night was the oscars, i saw one of the nominated films… I guessed all of the winners except best picture… the one film i did see. Oh and i was shocked when three 6 mafia won and then gave an utterly unintelligible speech, hel;l the song was pretty unitelligible in the first place something about it being hard for a pimp. i wish the song would have been called "Shit my ass is sore after by pimp beat me with a hanger, and he thinks he’s got it hard"

Red Carpet: I have an admission to make, I caught a glimpse of Michelle Williams dress during the pre-show, and i liked the colour but i felt the neck line made her massive knockers look even more outragious so i slagged her during the show. I saw a photo of her today and she looked quite nice, except for all those sad pouty duck expressions she was making all night, her and heath can eat a bowl of dicks an choke on their smug superiority complexes, they’ve got nothing on Jake.

Keira knightly looked good, and i’m sure you’ll all see it over and over, for she will no doubt be named best dressed, even thought the best dressed was clearly a tie between Uma and the incomperable Miss Lo, thats J not Li.

however it seems oscar.com is hellbent on making me look like a liar by only having ugly photos of my fashion pics…
Fellicity Huffman looked great in Zac Posen, and Salma Hyeck had a nice colour dress, but it was cut like a psycho. overall most of the chicas pussied out an wore black: swank, theron, aniston, wies, bullack loads… and the ones who didn’t wear black wore caucasian, like: Watts, Thurmon, alba, witherspoon who was more cream than caucasian, but it was bland none the less, just like her.  Actually most of the things about last nioght were pretty bland barring John stewart who was funny, my favorite jokes were the "statues for democracy" and the one about how hard celebrities have it, eviudently none of the audience memebers saw the humour.
George Clooney thanked the academy for acknowlegding AIDS, homos, blacks n’ bitches after all without the precious academy where the hell would AIDS infected black lesbians be today! lest we forget transamerica, lets make that a AIDS infected black tranny lesbos, who we all know had no bigger priority than to watch the oscars and identify with the Cloonster. Meanwhile Aisians are still nothing in hollywood (or to george clooney for that matter)except when a white person accepts an award for geisha and then it was the mad dash to film some aisian, even if she was ang lee’s wife.
I nominate George Cloony to have to re-watch Halle Berry’s acceptance speech over and over again, until he understands the full magnitude of his jackass.

Meryl Streep and Lily Tomlin presented a lifetime achievement do bob to Robert Altman, it was the best 5 minutes of the night, Meryl and Lily are the Bomb and they should star in every movie that come out of the u.s. also meryl’s dress was rad, but i couldn’t find a photo, she is also on my best dressed list no prob.

and now for the moment i’ve been waiting for for it seems ever, i have here for you all, a photo from Lilo’s camera it is a picture of Linsay chillin one back with Kate moss and Kate new hand picked personal fave, scarbourough’s own Irina. enjoy