The BGA

you know who you are

bga

I don’t particularly like Jude Law. When I was in high school, I remember seeing Wilde, and going into psychotic fits of hornyness with Caitlin and Melinda after seeing his sweet ass and a flash of the meat. I can’t deny that he is very attractive, and as far as Wilde was representing it, he had one sweet body worthy even of worship from a fictional portrayal of one of western   literatures more discerning enjoyers of male beauty. Anyways he’s fuckin good looking and I sure if I’d give him a chance he could give me a big hard raging boner. Unfortunately his P.R. sucks and for the last couple years it has seemed, to me at least, as though he is a total poncer. And that he has shitty taste in women beginning with the train wreck known as Sadie Frost, leading easily into the over privileged and criminally lame Sienna Miller, whatever that I can forgive, cause we all know he’s really gay and wants a big fat cock in his face.

But all of that crap aside, I couldn’t give a shit about Jude Law. So last week when every internet site in the know started spreading rumors that full frontal nudie pics of Law had been obtained, my curiosity was piqued only cause I love cocks, and I wanted to see Jude Laws.

Ok but here’s the thing all of the internet rags I adore so much: the superficial, Page Six, OMG blog, Jossip and others all went on about how Jude’s dick was teeny weeny. This seemed odd to me, for two reasons, in Wilde I remember the scene being very quick and his dick passing by speedily, but I don’t remember it being remarkably small, au contraire, I remember relishing its girth. Whatever, so yesterday I finally found the alleged pics. And though I wouldn’t call his flaccid penis massive, I’d hardly damn him for having insufficient funds, or flesh as the case may be. In fact I have come face to crotch with smaller, I have had held sucked fucked and god knows what dicks that were barely that big fully erect. Not that that’s something I’m terribly proud of, but it is a fact of life.

So why do all the press outlets hate him so, it seems the other side of spring/summer they were all praising him for his lousy performance in Alfie, and declaring him the most attractive so and so, whose in what.

I know size does matter, particularly in width, but it looks to me like Judes got a hammer head (like it gets fatter towards the end) and i’m sure he could do some damage with it.

I know women deal with this all the time, and having to live up to insane body standards, but if a nude pic was found of Britney or gwyneth you can bet comments would be on how slutty they were of how fat in the case of brit and boney in Paltrows case, not that their labia were puffy or dangly or at least i hope.

Theres a reason why people say that was below the belt, cause whats below is too sensitive to be up for scrutiny .

heres one more pic for good measure.

and for the record, I dont like Jude Law… just his cock.

BGA

Here’s to the next part of my life being significantly more enjoyable, and less woe stricken.

your low level misery is a constant and it leaks out on me all the time?"
no it leaks out on everyone…. you poor bastard."

A couple monthes ago, when Julie had just arrived here we were playing on the internet, trying to find good music videos. We found Hollaback Girl, which is fun, and the R Kelly Closet saga, which i enjoyed way more than her (she hates him cause he takes advantage of thirteen year old girls, allegedly) and then we founf Don’t Cha, the Pussycat Dolls latest contrubution to hoed out young lady culture. I wanna walk you on a sidetrack before i get to the point here, so bear with me…

So first off, I loathe the Pussycat Dolls, I don’t know if its because they have named themselves a burlesque troup, when really their just a group of strippers with a lead singer (Note: I have no qualms whatsoever with stripping, au contraire, i love stripping and strippers) My problem is with a bunch of profiteering assholes who have taken all of the good parts out of burlesque and kept only the salacious window dressing. Window dressing which was included in the first place because it was hot and bothering… subversive. In 2005 wearing skanky knickers and signing makes you a female teen idol, if Britneys done it, it aint subversive, it aint even provacative, it is usually a savy (read exploitive) marketing move. Burlesque uses satire & toungue in cheek humour as a means of engaging an unschooled audience in a critical dialogue with the issues du jour (or thats my idealistic understanding)

I also Hate the Pussycat Dolls because they replaced my hero J.Lo on the shall we dance soundtrack covering the Dean Martin classic Sway.

I also hate the Pussycat Dolls because they are no talent hacks. O.K. so they can striptease well, I dont even think i’d have a problem if they had agents and were blowin up tv like they are, if only they would call themselves erotic dancer or stripteasers, but as far as singing is concerned, OH NO! please spare me your shitty tinny voices.

If you’re on my side so far this last reason for hating the Pussysnatch Dolls might make you hate me. THEY ARE NOT PRETTY. The dress and dance like tramps, but they are all ugly, ok, maybe not ugly, but not pretty. These girls on a good day could make it into Maxim or Stuff, but you’ll never see them in Vogue or even Vanity Fair (who accepts uglies like Jennifer Aniston as cover bait.) the point is these are Women that girls and fags would not find pretty and everyone knows straight guys wouldn’t know a real pretty girl if she set him on fire. Take Paris Hilton for instance or Brooke Burns.

back on track……

so Julie and I were watching the Pussycrap Dolls Video with a aging and chubby Busta Rhymes trying to pay his child support. and the chorus comes on " Don’t cha wish your girl was hot like me, don’t cha wish your girl was a freak like me" you get the picture. Moaning oohing and aahing and telling some guy what a good time he’s in for if he’ll just cheat on his girl. Julie, anoyed because her own man is maybe a little in demand, as the good ones tend to be, made the very a propos insight that these girls were "not on our team."  ‘Our Team’ not like that clunky metaphore commonly employed in liue of sexual orientation, but ‘Our Team’ like Buffy, or Rachel Bilson on the O.C. or Beyonce, girls who want other girls on their team, they dont have to like everyone with a uterus, but they don’t see other girls boyfriends as fair game.

Don’t get me wrong i’m not busting a virgin whore here, I know there are all sorts of types of people on the personality spectrum, good, bad, ethical and outright selfish. I’m just curious about loyalty.

I saw some chics in a little red suburban teenybopper car yesterday singing along with that song, and in a purely unfair judgmental only taking appearances into account kinda way, i could just imagine them sleazing each others boyfriend as though they had never bonded over this poorly sung piece of trash of a song. and it’s not just girls, although it is less of a cliché and i wonder if it is because it is less common or because our culture is severely sexist? oh wait, yes it is, i was thinkin about something else for a minute. sorry. guys and girls are gross, unless their on our team.

BGA

There’s this girl, she’s sort of a friend of mine. she doesnt like the way I look, and she never forgets to tell me so. in the last two monthes alone she has made me feel uncomfortable (not to mention insecure and paranoid) no less than 4 times by telling me how unsetteling she finds my appearance, or offering her two cents as to how i can ‘tone down’ my look. She casts a less forgiving glare at me than my 84 year old grandmother, my remarkably open minded grandmother to be fair, but she’s still 84 and if anyone has a right to try and make me justify shaving half my head or painting a moustache on my face with eyeliner it’s her and yet she does not, and instead she tells me i look cute.
what bothers me most, I think, about MRS. Personality, is that she herself has what i consider atrocious style, lame to the max, cheeseball, couldn’t swing a dead cat without hitting that sweater kind of bad taste. and that she dyes her hair aubergine! I mean aubergine hair what is this class of ‘93??? I can’t think of a faux hair colour that bothers me more than this purple-y red-ish tone l’oreal refers to as auburn and yet she has never heard my opinion on the matter, why? because over the three years we’ve been aquainted, she has never asked my opinion about her hair. and I think it would be mean to shit on a hairstyle, she quite obviously likes (she has had the same hair since i met her.)
I used to laugh at goths who would get all pissed off at the people who stared at them in the streets, i thought it was funny that someone who paid so much attention to what they wore would be perturbed by someone else focusing their attention on it as well. but theres a difference between observing, and trying full on to give your unsolicited opinion, to publicly disparage. people who want you to know they think your clothes suck are worthless shitbags. and i love goths anyways.
BGA.

this is the remix, you didn’t have to wait that long Julie, Lani & Straight A, remix of So Gone, and my love of the game is so strong, i can’t hold on, so you can tell me what’s goin on BGA c’mon:
Silly ol me, devoted so much time, to find you’re movin out girl, I nearly lost my mind, I visit you page every night, to read you testimonials, wondering what they had on me, to make you break my heart.
you make me feel, so gone.
bga